Adventure Gone Wrong
by Lokiismylife
Summary: Set pre-Thor. Thor and his friends sans Loki get captured while on Jotunheim, and Laufey is threatening to kill them. Loki goes to clean up Thor's mess, and in the process, ends up with a new family. Semi-good!Odin, Good!Laufey, and BAMF!Frigga and Farbauti. Starts out drama, turns to humor. READ THE END NOTES; THEY CONTAIN EXPLANATIONS!


**Adventure Gone Wrong**

"Tricks? TRICKS!? I saved your miserable life, and now you're ridiculing me for doing it with magic? Next time you need help, don't expect it from me!"

Loki stormed off, seething. He was so angry he could barely see straight, but he still managed to get to his rooms and lock himself in. When he had calmed down enough to think straight, he added a ward to the room that would only allow his mother to get in; everyone else would get burned.

 **~XXXX~**

Loki stayed in his rooms for a week, mostly reading and practicing new spells he found. By the end of the week, though, Thor had apparently decided that he wanted to go on another adventure, and came banging on Loki's door. "Brother, we are going on another adventure!" he called.

"Have a nice time," Loki said absentmindedly.

"You are not coming?" Thor asked.

"Of course not; I have no intention of going on adventures with you anymore, since obviously my skills are not needed," Loki snarled. "Go AWAY, Thor!"

Loki heard a sigh, and footsteps moving away.

 _ **Two days later:**_ Loki was still in his room when there was a quiet knock on the door, then a yelp and a voice asking, "Prince Loki?"

Figuring it was a servant, Loki opened the door, and found a young maidservant outside, cradling one of her hands. Loki sighed. "Yes?" he asked.

"Queen Frigga is asking for you," the girl said.

"Where is she?" Loki asked.

"Her private rooms," the girl said.

"I will go there immediately, but first, show me your injured hand," Loki said.

The girl nervously showed him her hand, which had blisters from the wards, and Loki cast a healing spell on her hand. Healing burns was simple for him. The girl looked awed, and curtsied deeply. "Thank you, my Prince," she said. "But why?"

"I probably should have adjusted the wards sooner," Loki admitted. "Besides, I find the company of the staff here preferable to the scum that is Odin's court. I should be going."

"Of course, my apologies," the girl said, and scurried off. Loki headed for his mother's rooms, feeling a bit happier.

That faded when he saw how worried his mother looked. "Mother, did Thor do something stupid again?" Loki asked.

"He and his friends apparently thought going to Jotunheim was a good idea," Frigga said.

"And let me guess, he killed someone very important and King Laufey is demanding reparations?" Loki asked dryly.

"He gravely injured Crown Prince Helblindi," Frigga sighed. "Thor and his friends have been imprisoned on Jotunheim, and King Laufey is threatening to kill them, since they broke the peace treaty we had with Jotunheim."

"What does King Laufey want in return for not killing Thor?" Loki asked.

"That is my problem; Odin will not tell me," Frigga said.

"I suppose you want me to get Thor out of this mess, since whatever Father is planning is probably going to backfire?" Loki asked.

"I will not force you, but it would be appreciated," Frigga said. "I do not want to lose either of my sons."

Loki mentally weighed the pros and cons, and sighed. "Fine, I'll go to Jotunheim," he said. "Is there anything else I need to know?"

"The Jotnar are not the monsters Odin seems to think they are," Frigga said. "Treat them with respect, and they will likely do the same to you."

Loki was a bit unsure, but nodded and went to prepare. Not wanting to deal with Heimdall, Loki took the old pathways out of Asgard, and ended up in Jotunheim sometime later. Sighing, he went to the palace, which was easily visible, and found two giants blocking his way. "What business have you here, Asgardian?" one of them growled. "Come to kill more of us?"

"No, I have come to negotiate," Loki said coolly. "I am not an idiot like Thor is; I know exactly how badly I would fail if I were to attack anyone here. I did come alone, after all."

The giants eyed him before one of them barked something in another language. Loki waited patiently as another, slightly smaller Jotun came over, and was ordered to bring a message to Laufey. The youth ran off, and Loki waited. The youth came back ten minutes later, and said, "King Laufey will see you now, Prince Loki; follow me."

Loki followed the youth to the throne room, already planning. He had already decided to treat Laufey with the same respect he treated Odin, so as to make a good impression. When he saw that Thor and his friends were in a reinforced and warded cage in the throne room, he mentally sighed; this would make things far more complicated.

Loki walked to the thrones where Laufey and his Queen were sitting, and went down on one knee, as he would if he were facing Odin. "Loki of Asgard, to what do we owe this visit?" Laufey asked coldly.

"I have come to negotiate for the release of Thor Odinson and his friends," Loki replied.

"Not to kill us all, as he proclaimed he would do?" Laufey asked bitterly. "My son and heir is gravely injured because of Thor; do you condone that?"

"Not at all," Loki said. "I do not condone the death or injury of any of your family or people, and I completely agree that Thor should be punished. Thank you for putting a silencing spell on that cage, by the way; we would all have migraines otherwise."

Laufey showed a flicker of surprise before returning to a stoic expression, and asking, "If you believe that Thor should be punished, then why are you here?"

"I heard you were planning to kill him, and I feel that that is a bit severe," Loki said. "Thor is a complete idiot who rushes in without thinking; it is entirely possible he did not recognize Crown Prince Helblindi. I do hope he didn't kill anyone."

"Thor did not kill anyone; his friends are a different matter," Laufey said darkly. "Thor mainly wounded people, as he was fighting with a hammer of all things."

"How many deaths among your people can be attributed to Thor's friends?" Loki asked, an idea forming in his head.

Laufey eyed him with curiosity. "Farbauti looks like that when she has a very devious idea," he said. "What are you planning?"

"For each of your people killed, not injured, let Thor's friends spend a year in your prisons, as it was your realm they attacked without provocation," Loki replied calmly. "It will also return some peace to both realms, as only the idiots in the cage are stupid enough to break the peace treaty Asgard made with you. The older warriors have at least enough brains not to travel to Jotunheim in the first place. Besides, Thor and his friends committed treason when they came here."

"There were fifty deaths," Laufey said.

"Then Sif and the Warriors Three, as they call themselves, should spend fifty years in your prisons," Loki said. Secretly he was taking delight in the horrified looks Thor and the others in the cage were giving him.

"And Thor?" Laufey asked.

"I will take him home to Asgard, and ensure he is punished fittingly; our mother is far from happy, and has the ability to scare Odin into punishing him in a fitting manner- though I am open to other suggestions as long as they do not involve killing him," Loki replied. "May I inquire as to Crown Prince Helblindi's condition?"

"The latest word from the healers is that he will be fine in a week or so," Farbauti said. "May I make a suggestion as to Thor's punishment?"

"Certainly," Loki said.

Farbauti smirked, and Laufey looked like he wanted to bang his head against something. "You are not actually going to make Thor read that disgusting THING you brought back from Midgard, are you?" he asked.

"Why not? You are furious at him too," Farbauti said.

"Thor hates reading; what is this thing?" Loki asked.

"Farbauti says it is known on Midgard as 'tentacle porn'," Laufey sighed. "She uses it as a torture device, but I had to make an actual law against giving it to minors."

"Queen Farbauti, with all due respect, Thor will probably destroy whatever book you have if it's that bad," Loki admitted. "True, he is of age now- but I would hate for your book to be destroyed."

"I have extra copies," Farbauti said. "I do not mind sacrificing one for the entertainment."

"Very well," Loki said. He looked back at Laufey, and asked, "Have we an agreement? Thor's friends will stay in your prisons for the next half-century, and I will take Thor back to Asgard and make sure he is punished, as well as forcing him to read this 'tentacle porn'."

"I agree to your terms, however I would like assurances that Thor will never return to this realm," Laufey said.

"You have my word that I will do everything in my power to prevent him from coming back, and I will inform Odin and Frigga of the matter as well," Loki said.

"Very well," Laufey said. He waved to the guards, and said, "Release Thor, but leave the others."

The guards obeyed as Farbauti handed Loki a book and said, "Prince Loki, I would appreciate pictures of Thor's reaction to the tentacles."

"I will be sure to either take pictures or bring you the memories," Loki said, bowing. "Thank you."

Laufey nodded as the guards dragged Thor over to Loki and handed him over. "Brother, WHY-" Thor started, but Loki cast a spell to take away his voice, and bowing to Laufey and Farbauti, dragged Thor off. He teleported them to the Bifrost site, and called for Heimdall. They landed in the Observatory a minute later, and Heimdall said mildly, "The Allfather is not happy."

"When is he ever?" Loki asked flippantly, and teleported Thor to the throne room. They found a very displeased Odin waiting for them, with Frigga by his side. "Loki, what is the situation with Jotunheim?" Odin asked.

"Thor did not actually manage to kill anyone," Loki said. "However, Sif and the Warriors Three managed to kill fifty of King Laufey's people, and I worked out a deal to keep the peace between our realms. Sif and the Warriors Three will spend one year for each Jotun they killed in the prisons of Jotunheim, and I was told to inform you that King Laufey has said he never wants to see Thor in his realm again. I thought that was fair, so I gave my word that Thor would never return to Jotunheim, and I would see to it that he was punished for his actions. Also, Queen Farbauti had something she would like Thor to read, though I did not understand why. However, the book itself has no spells on it, so I think it's fine if Thor reads it. Apparently Queen Farbauti would also like memories of Thor's reaction to her book, so I will be going back to Jotunheim after Thor is finished with the book. Would you like me to take the silencing spell off of Thor now?"

"Yes," Odin said, rubbing his forehead. Loki did so, and as Thor opened his mouth to start shouting, Odin asked angrily, "Thor, what were you thinking? You were aware going to Jotunheim was treason in and of itself; injuring their Crown Prince goes beyond just treason! If it were not for Loki, you could have been killed, as King Laufey's demand was that I let him kill you or let him kill Frigga. You are extremely lucky Loki is so good at diplomacy, and considering your friends went along willingly and killed fifty people, I am NOT rescuing them, nor will I allow you to do so. It seems I will have to have words with Heimdall as well, as he never should have allowed you to pass through the Bifrost. I must speak with Loki in private, so go to your room while the rest of us figure out a fitting punishment. And if you are not in your room when I come for you, you WILL regret it."

Thor opened and closed his mouth a few times in shock, then took in the glares he was getting, drooped, and said, "Yes, Father." He headed out, and Odin said, "Loki, come to my office; I have something I need to tell you. Frigga, you should come too."

Loki and Frigga went with Odin, and after they were settled in his office, Odin sighed wearily. "Loki, I probably should have told you this earlier, and I cannot see any way to sugarcoat this," he said. "I wanted you to know that you are adopted; it is why you do not look at all like me or Frigga."

Loki was shocked, but also suspicious. He looked at Frigga, who said, "I knew you were adopted, though I am unsure of who your real parents were; Odin neglected to mention that when he gave you to me. Please know that I have thought of you as my own since I first held you and you smiled at me."

Loki nodded, then looked back at Odin. "You know who my parents were, do you not?" he asked.

"Yes, though I was under the impression until recently that they had abandoned you, due to your small size," Odin said. "Your real parents are Laufey and his Queen, Farbauti."

Loki's mind completely shut down. He barely registered Frigga getting completely enraged, and didn't even snap out of it when she started shrieking at Odin about kidnapping babies and lying to her. He only snapped out of it when Frigga stormed out and slammed the door so hard books fell off the shelves. Loki looked at Odin, who sighed and said, "Son, if there's one thing you need to know, it's that you never get on any woman's bad side; they'll never, ever, ever, forget it and they'll make your life a misery afterwards. If you need me, I'll be hiding somewhere until Frigga calms down."

Frigga came back at that moment, and said dangerously, "I know ALL your hiding places in Asgard, Odin Allfather. Loki, come with me. I will be dealing with Odin later- and by the time I'm done with you, Odin, you will wish you had never met me- GOT THAT!?"

"Yes," Odin said, trying to sound calm. He failed miserably, and Frigga gave him the evil eye, then looked at Loki. "Coming, Mother," Loki said meekly. He got up and scurried after Frigga, who was still looking angry. Loki had NEVER seen her this angry; she normally didn't lose her cool at all.

When she stopped to grab a heavy but elegant coat, Loki got an idea of where they were going, but he was too scared of Frigga to say anything. Thinking about it as she dragged him to the Bifrost, Loki was surprised to find that after the initial shock, he wasn't feeling so bad about it; the Jotnar he'd met so far had been fairly pleasant to him, and his parents- if that was right- were actually somewhat friendly after he started bad-mouthing Thor.

Frigga seemed to be calming herself down a bit after she threatened Heimdall with disembowelment and castration if he didn't send them to Jotunheim, and by the time they reached the palace –with an escort- she had gone from raging fury to glacial fury; the only thing giving her rage away was her eyes. When they reached the palace, she said to the messenger, "Please inform King Laufey and Queen Farbauti that I need to speak with them, and that it has nothing to do with Thor's stupidity today, nor his friends'."

The messenger bowed and ran off. Loki sensed he was eager to get away from Frigga, and he couldn't blame him. If he didn't know who she was angry at, he'd have been running too.

The messenger came back ten minutes later and said nervously, "The King and Queen will see you now. Please follow me."

Frigga followed the youth, and Loki followed her. They came to the throne room and went in, and Laufey lifted an eyebrow when he saw Frigga. "What happened?" he asked. "No offense meant, Queen Frigga, but you look like you want to blow things up."

" _Odin_ is apparently a complete idiot," Frigga said. "Normally I would keep this to myself, but considering his latest blunder involves you and Loki, I felt it wise to inform you of this as well."

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?" Farbauti asked. It sounded like a rhetorical question, and Frigga merely nodded.

"After the war with your people ended, Odin brought a baby home with him," Frigga said. "He informed me said baby had been abandoned by his parents. As the baby was a natural shapeshifter, we took him in and he has looked Asgardian since. I named him Loki, and raised him as my own son. And Odin, being the idiot hothead that he is, apparently didn't realize until I told him in a discussion today that your people prize small children, as they tend to be the most magically powerful."

"I think I can see where this is going," Farbauti commented. "You believe that Loki is our youngest?"

"Odin seems to think he is, and as he is the only one who has seen Loki while in Jotun form, I am inclined to believe him; he originally planned to use Loki against you, but that failed spectacularly when I told him he was doomed if he did that. I had always wanted someone to teach my magic to, and Loki has proved a most apt pupil. But even before I started teaching him, I have loved him. Thor may have been Odin's favorite, but Loki has always been my favorite," Frigga said. Her expression darkened, and she said, "Mark my words, Odin will pay for this. Had I known Loki's parents were still alive, I would have returned him immediately. Odin told me he had been abandoned, and he seemed certain of it. I should have known he was lying…"

"Um… just out of curiosity, why didn't you get this angry when Odin sewed my lips shut when I was five hundred?" Loki asked timidly- and got three identical looks of horror. He sighed. "Odin didn't tell you after you got back from visiting your family, did he?" he asked.

"No, he did not, and he just signed up for castration," Frigga growled. "I never heard ONE WORD about that. Why didn't you tell me? I would have castrated Odin earlier!"

"I didn't realize you didn't know, and the injuries were healed by Lady Eir, who spent the entire time muttering about senility for some reason," Loki said. "By the way, I felt the Bifrost open shortly after we got here; I think Odin went to hide somewhere else."

"Damn that man," Frigga snarled.

"What's castration?" Loki asked.

Frigga and Farbauti both looked at Laufey, who looked highly uncomfortable as he said, "The removal of a man's genitals, generally through surgery. Though I doubt Queen Frigga intends to use painkillers."

"In other words, it's about the most painful thing you can do to a man?" Loki asked.

"Yes, and Odin deserves it," Frigga said darkly.

"Need help?" Farbauti asked.

"I do need someone to hold him down…." Frigga said thoughtfully.

"I can do that," Farbauti said. "Shall we find the little bastard?"

The evil grin on Frigga's face said it all. "Loki, stay here, we don't want to traumatize you," Frigga said.

"Laufey, he'd better be in one piece when we get back," Farbauti said in a tone that promised pain otherwise.

"Yes dear," Laufey said. Frigga and Farbauti left to castrate Odin, and Loki shuddered. "That was scary," he said.

"And I thought Farbauti's idea of revenge was bad," Laufey shuddered. "Remind me never to anger Queen Frigga. Do you want to figure out if you are my youngest son?"

"It would be nice," Loki said. "It would also explain why I am so different from Asgardians."

"Let's go to the healers' then," Laufey said. "I have a feeling the ladies will be gone a while."

"Alright," Loki agreed, and followed Laufey down the halls of the palace.

They reached the healers' several minutes later, and went in. The Jotun in there looked up and bowed. "Have you come to check on Prince Helblindi, my King?" she asked. Loki could tell it was a woman from the voice.

"Yes, Lady Runa, but I also wish to figure out whose son Loki here is; Queen Frigga informed me that he is not Asgardian, but one of us," Laufey said.

"Very well, I can run the tests," Lady Runa said. "Loki, please have a seat over here; I need to draw some of your blood for this."

Loki obeyed, and rolled up his sleeve. Lady Runa drew some blood, put a bandage on his arm, and then started casting spells on the blood. Loki watched with interest; he had heard of paternity tests, but had never actually seen someone doing one.

By the time she was done, Lady Runa looked shocked. "King Laufey, according to this, Loki is yours and Queen Farbauti's," she said. "There is a glamour on him, but I am not certain I can get it off."

Loki looked at Laufey cautiously, and was surprised to see that he looked happy. "Thank you, Lady Runa," he said. "I will see if Farbauti can get the glamour off when she returns."

Suddenly a Jotun boy who looked a lot like Farbauti came in and asked, "Dad, why did I just see Mom walk off arm in arm with an Asgardian woman?"

"Your mother and Queen Frigga have decided to join forces and castrate Odin Allfather," Laufey said dryly. "Byleistr, I would like you to meet Loki- he is your younger brother who Odin apparently thought it was alright to steal and put a glamour on."

Byleistr looked at Loki, who said, "Hi…." a little uncertainly.

He was unprepared for the flying tackle-hug and Byleistr saying happily, "He's so KAWAII!"

"Kawaii?" Laufey asked. "Byleistr, what have I told you about reading your mother's stash of Midgardian books? And what does that even mean?"

Byleistr sulked, still hugging Loki, who had finally gathered up the courage to hug back, and said, "It means 'cute', and I don't see what's wrong with Mom's books. She marked the ones that aren't age-appropriate for me and Helblindi."

Laufey sighed wearily. "What did you read this time?" he asked wearily.

"I think it's called Bleach or something," Byleistr said happily.

"Can you not read so much manga or whatever it's called?" Laufey asked desperately. "Your mother got plenty of NORMAL books for you last time."

Byleistr started sulking, and got off Loki, who looked confused. He didn't get to ask what manga was before Byleistr asked, "So when are you going to let ME go to Midgard, Dad?"

"At the rate you're going- never," Laufey said. "You still won't stop reading your mother's completely deranged books, and might I remind you that you still can't shapeshift into a semi-mortal form?"

"Yes I can, look!" Byleistr said, and shapeshifted his form into a replica of Loki, except wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

"And can you hold it for more than three hours?" Laufey asked.

Byleistr drooped. "No…." he said sulkily, and turned back.

"Keep practicing, and MAYBE I'll let you go to Midgard," Laufey said. "Now let's go find out how your mother and Queen Frigga are doing."

"Do we even know where they went?" Loki asked.

"They're somewhere in Asgard," Laufey said. "My bond to your mother lets me know where she is at any time."

"Alright," Loki said. "I hope we didn't miss Thor's reaction to the tentacle porn."

Byleistr burst out laughing. "Mom seriously gave him that?" he asked.

"Yes, though come to think of it, I left the book on Odin's desk," Loki said. "M- Frigga basically dragged me here when Odin told us Laufey and Farbauti were my real parents."

Byleistr and Laufey cackled evilly. "I hope Odin looked at the book," Laufey said. "Come, let's go see how your mother and Queen Frigga are doing. And let's take the old paths; that gatekeeper hates me."

"He hates me too, ever since I learned that spell to hide myself from his eyes," Loki said.

"There's a spell that does that?" Laufey asked.

"M- Frigga taught it to me so I could play more pranks," Loki said.

"If you want to still call Frigga Mother, I don't think Farbauti will mind much; Byleistr and Helblindi call her Mom, not Mother, so you could do the same," Laufey said.

Loki looked relieved as they passed through the old pathways and landed in Asgard. On the way, Laufey had changed both his and Byleistr's appearances with magic, so they looked Asgardian. The three of them teleported to the palace, and heard the screams outside. The guards at the doors to the throne room were looking freaked out. "Prince Loki, you REALLY don't want to go in there right now…." one of them said. "Queen Frigga enlisted the Queen of Jotunheim to help her torture the Allfather. And that was AFTER we heard him scream something about his eye."

"I guess he found the tentacle porn book," Laufey commented thoughtfully.

"Tentacle porn?" another guard asked.

"Books about people who apparently enjoy intercourse with monsters that have tentacles," Laufey said. "Farbauti uses it as a torture device."

"I can see why," the first guard said dryly. "Does anyone know what the Allfather did?"

"All sorts of things that will not become gossip for the guards," Loki said dryly.

"Oh well," the guard said. "Anyways, we have orders not to let anyone in or out; apparently the Queens want to torture the Council for some reason."

"The Council wants me dead, I imagine Mother finally found out," Loki commented. "Do you know what Odin did with the tentacle book?"

"It's either destroyed or still in his office," the guard said. "Er…. You're not going to make us read it, are you?"

"Nope, I'm giving it to Thor," Loki said with an evil grin. "And best of all, I got Odin's permission first!"

"So Thor did commit treason by going to Jotunheim?" the guard asked.

"Yes," Laufey said darkly.

"Wondered why the Allfather was dragging Thor to the Bifrost by the ear," another guard muttered.

"So he's not here anymore?" Loki asked.

"No, I heard something about Midgard," the guard said. "Hey, the screaming stopped."

"Let's go see if the tentacle porn book is still there; I bet Odin's voice just gave out," Byleistr said.

"Fine, but you do NOT get to look at it," Laufey said.

"I'll show you the office," Loki offered, and they set off.

Luckily for them, the book was lying on the floor, and Loki picked it up. "Now we have to find Thor," Laufey said.

"I'll do it," Loki said. "I'm pretty familiar with Midgard; I've gone there several times. Things change really fast there."

Laufey looked unsure, but finally said, "Fine, but be careful. And do you know how they dress?"

"Yes," Loki said. He motioned, and his clothes changed into black jeans, sneakers, and a green t-shirt. "I'll take the old paths and teleport," he said.

"Alright; we'll head home, since obviously Queen Frigga and Farbauti don't want distractions," Laufey said.

Loki nodded and headed outside, where he slipped into a crack between worlds, and went to Midgard. He landed in a desert, and seeing a town nearby, decided to walk.

Ten minutes later, he was in the small town, and wandered around until he found Thor in a building with a lot of weird equipment, two young women, and an elderly man. They looked up as he came in, and he said politely, "I apologize for barging in; Thor forgot something, so I came to bring it to him, as it's technically part of his punishment."

"Punishment?" the woman with glasses asked, looking at Thor suspiciously.

"Yes, Thor got banished to Earth because he committed treason and nearly started a war," Loki said. "Luckily, I cleaned up the mess, so aside from him being banished and his stupid friends being stuck in prison for killing fifty people AND committing treason, everything's pretty much back to normal. May I ask your name?"

"It's Darcy Lewis," the woman said.

"A pleasure, Miss Lewis," Loki said. "May I ask why you have a taser in your pocket?"

"Used it on Thor, decided to keep it around in case he goes apeshit crazy again," Darcy said. "What's that book?"

Loki laughed, delighted, and said, "The book is part of Thor's punishment; he's supposed to read it. Odin already tried it out, and I think after today, he'll be permanently traumatized, considering the screaming I heard when I was there."

"Is Father alright?" Thor asked, alarmed.

"Mother and Queen Farbauti were rather unhappy and decided to team up and castrate him," Loki said. "And by the way, I found out why all of Asgard thinks I'm scum."

"All of Asgard does not think you are scum," Thor said wearily. "I do not think you are scum."

"Ah, but you ridicule me on a daily basis and continually allow your friends to do the same," Loki said. "Tell me, Thor, if someone told you that all your training, all your time spent learning to be a warrior, meant absolutely nothing, and referred to it as tricks, how would you feel and react?"

"I would be angry and hurt that they thought all my hard work meant nothing," Thor said.

"So how do you think I feel when you refer to my decades of hard work on learning magic and alternative ways of fighting as worthless tricks?" Loki asked.

"I…." Thor started, then stopped, looking horrified.

"Oh, and by the way, I found my birth family, so if you ever get back to Asgard, I will be elsewhere," Loki said. "Have fun with your new book!"

He handed Thor the book, and Thor numbly took it, still looking horrified. Darcy looked, and burst out laughing. "Dude, you gave him a book of manga?" she asked.

"Tentacle porn, actually," Loki said. He took Darcy's hand, kissed the back of it, and said, "Farewell, Lady Darcy. I hope you get pictures of Thor's reaction to the tentacle porn."

"Come back in two days and I'll have them ready," Darcy said gleefully. "Thanks for stopping by!"

"My pleasure," Loki said, and vanished. Darcy ran to get her camera, and Thor sank to the floor, still holding the book.

 _ **Back in Jotunheim:**_ Loki came back to the palace, and was let in and directed to the throne room. He found Frigga and Farbauti back, and Laufey cringing as they yelled at him together. "Uh…. what's going on?" Loki asked. "I delivered the book to Thor and apparently he's staying with two women and an elderly man. One of the women was kind of cute. She said her name was Darcy Lewis."

He then got engulfed in hugs from Frigga and Farbauti. "Your father told us he let you go to Midgard to find Thor alone," Farbauti said. "We were worried about you, especially since you've been gone for three hours."

"I was gone for three hours?" Loki asked, confused. "I was only on Midgard for about half an hour, an hour at most."

"Oh…. that's right, time flows differently between the realms," Frigga said somewhat sheepishly. "Thor's been banished indefinitely, by the way."

"You mean he's never going back to Asgard?" Loki asked, startled.

"At least until Odin dies," Frigga said. "And that won't happen any time soon, despite today's…. events."

"So you're not going to make me stay in Asgard?" Loki asked.

"Not if you would rather stay here," Frigga said. "I know you have no desire for a throne, so I 'convinced' Odin that where you stay would be left up to you, as he is not actually your father and therefore has no legal right to tell you to stay in Asgard. Also, we did manage to castrate him before Lady Eir scared the guards into letting her in."

Loki blinked. "Lady Eir always seems so sweet though," he said.

"She told us we were making too much work for her to handle, and then started muttering about how she was glad she had no children, if this was what happened to mothers when their children were threatened," Farbauti said with amusement. "Apparently she was not expecting us to actually castrate Odin, but since Frigga was kind enough to cauterize the wound, there's not a thing she can do about the fact that Odin no longer has…. Well, I'm sure you know what we're talking about."

"Thank you for the graphic imagery," Laufey grumbled. "By the way, Farbauti, I told Loki that I didn't think you would mind if he still called Frigga Mother and maybe called you Mom."

"Not at all; Frigga has proven to be an excellent mother, despite Odin's penchant for being a stubborn evil bastard," Farbauti said. "Oh, and Frigga has an open invitation here."

"Oh gods," Laufey muttered.

"What was that again, dear?" Farbauti asked sweetly.

"Nothing, I said nothing, please don't castrate me," Laufey said.

"Don't worry; I still want a daughter, so until that happens, there's nothing you can do to get me to castrate you," Farbauti said, then grinned evilly. "Tentacles, of course, are a different matter."

"Um… I told Lady Darcy that I'd be back in two days," Loki said. "She promised to take pictures of Thor's reaction to the tentacles."

"Good, but I will be going with you," Farbauti said. "Apparently your father needs a refresher course on good parenting- namely not letting your child off the realm alone to go see someone who's potentially hostile!"

"Sorry dear," Laufey said meekly.

Frigga giggled and said, "I must be going; someone needs to sit on the throne while Odin is recovering, and sadly, I am the only option. Farbauti, it was lovely meeting you, and your husband and son. I do hope Helblindi recovers soon."

"Thank you, Frigga," Farbauti said. "Shall I walk you out?"

"That would be nice," Frigga said, and turned to Loki. "Loki, I hope you'll be happy, and I will come visit as soon as Odin is back on the throne," she said. "May I have a hug?"

Loki smiled and hugged her. "Thank you, Mother, and I think I will be happy," he said. "Shall I bring pictures of Thor's reaction when I get them?"

"I would appreciate that," Frigga said happily. She let go after a moment, and she and Farbauti left.

Loki was a bit sad to see her go, but then he remembered he had a family that was apparently much better than Thor and Odin, and smiled.

 **As of right now, this is complete. For those curious, Loki is younger in this story than he was in the movies; he's approximately sixteen in mortal terms, and eight hundred in Asgardian terms. In most if not all of my stories, Asgardians will age every fifty years, instead of every year like we do.**

 **I realize that Loki accepted the fact he was adopted and a Jotun pretty quickly, but I would like to point out that A, he's younger in this, and B, he has already had a positive interaction with his birth parents. Also, he's NOT happy with Thor, and while Odin is semi-good in this one, or at least proactive, he's still not a great father in regards to Loki.**

 **I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if Loki had a better view of Jotnar, and this is how it turned out. It was originally going to be more drama, but my muse ran away with me, so this is the end result. I hope you enjoyed, and please review! Remember, if you're a guest reviewer, I can't answer your questions, and please let me know if you want this continued! Bye for now!**


End file.
